Saving our family

Have you ever caught yourself listening to someone talk but actually being selective in your hearing? YES !!!!! that is totally me!. Sad to admitted but I have found myself many times doing this over and over again. I’m a very very independent woman that, dialogue has been hard for me too, to  plan and agree with someone else other than myself, not even on my records. Immature or selfish ? name it as you will, but has been my honest truth.  Awful I know but true, and once you have admitted it is easier to be treated right? YES !!!. Just like any other addiction recovery needs time, effort and commitment.  I have been privileged for being sharing my life and hopefully eternity with a sweet, loving and heart giving companion. We both have different speed limits built in but, we both love each other to the point of being willing to commit for more than eternity and have come to understand little by little that we both came to battle with a good shield built in, that One Third person that guides our marriage.  Wait, what? Third person? Who can even imagine that bringing a third person will helps us to be more loving and caring towards one another. Calm down audience, I invite you to keep reading to meet that one. Person I’m talking about, to understand the benefits of This One person needed in any relationship and so desperately vital  in marriage. That will be The Lord. So how I will make my audience and readers understand me If all might not be that much spiritual or spiritual at all. Hear me out and name your One Third Person the name that fits your believes better. I will take the courage to write what I have and continue to learn about turning to one another and including that Third person in our relationship. From my perspective, a vital step to success.

I have been known since a young age for being a go getter and thinking that, If admiited verbally my needs that will automatically dock points off my independent personality. Marriage has taught me the opposite. Even though my husband tends to forget very easy the things that I say, agreed or want to accomplish, those ones that will make and impact on our relationship are the ones that his brain is very capable of record and never forget (including the cookie dough promised years ago, wink wink) . That show me he cares and is aware of my needs and takes them personal. But why is so important to verbally express those needs. What is the importance of those bids in marriage .  A bid in couples are essential to create, build or re-stablish connection. Quality connection is a must. Sometimes we are there but not present and that is one of the biggest failures in marriages, communication and connection. With all the new technology and everything that surrounds us daily, we are more prompt to forget and simply don’t care at all. I have been caught in this rhythm many times so I have missed the beat on the quality of conversations and connection I can build with my man. At the end of the day, the only one loosing is me. Gottman’s major point is that repeated failure to turn toward in response to our significant other bids leads our  to stop making bids. The relationship sags and both partner feels lonely.(Chapter 5). Is evidently that If we forget to boost that energy in marriage and built the right connections with a sincere desire to care we will NOT  be able to build a strong  foundation that will allow us to choose the best  when making decisions or looking for then best for our family, our spouship ( I made that one up, means spouse and friendship connection) to look for what will benefit both interests. That is where the Third person comes in play. He will guide us and helps us come to the point were the needs of each member are met and we can feel that stronger connection between the two.

For a few weeks now I have been trying the line that goes  “so what I’m hearing from you is …and parrot what my husband has just expressed to me. That have helped me be more attentive and have more of a loving mind and hearing heart. A heart that is not only trying so hard to leave the natural me but a heart that can listen to the beat of our love song, our mutual connection, our stronger bids. 

The family and the how to protect it

The hasn’t been a better and exemplary man other than the Savior that gave us the true example of how to serve, live and love. He was the One and chosen to leave a legacy of a way to return to our Heavenly Home.

In our daily responsibilities whether will be as a employee, business owner, stay at home mom, working mom or working dad, etc we are in continuous interactions with others and there will be everyday ways to show our love and respect and admirations for those ones around us with no hesitation. So If we are openly committed to do so with other, why is so hard to accomplish such things at home? With the ones that matter the most and that are of great worth for. In my personal life I will  refer to my husband and daughter. We go day by day thinking today we will do better in the way we communicate, interact, understand and listen to each other. Then another hectic day shows up and the desire of making a perfect day happen seems to fade when differences arise. How can I deal with my frustration when they come from the simple existence of the one I love, my husband? We are 2 totally different people, with different backgrounds and the way we think when performing the same task is completely opposite, but we have come to the point that, when we are making a project or big decision we talk it out with each other and then decide what will be best for our little family depending on what we agree TOGETHER. That word has a completely different meaning when in a team and developing that respect. That doesn’t mean problems will not come, of course they will, but the way we look at them will be completely different and more approachable and with the attitude of making work instead of running out of it.  We will apply as many say, the old era motto, WHEN SOMETHING IS BROKEN, WE FIXED NOT JUST TOSS IT AWAY. Conflict can be perpetual most of the times and it will be our choice to either adapt and accept or content all the time.

In the beginning I mentioned the Venus and mars personalities that my husband and I have. It hasn’t been easy  at all  however I have come to the conclusion that, even If we are different at the end we all planets so there will always be something to have I common. Is our main purpose to find those pieces that match us and makes us stronger rather than find the thousand pieces that we are not compatible with. Is there when we find the strength for our marriage. If marriage was easy  it wouldn’t be possible to be the kind of university that it is for all of us who are daily fighting the battle to have a lasting relationship. Compromising has been one of the things I have found very effective in my marriage and in the rearing of our daughter. We are to understand that the only person we can change is our own selves.  When we stop trying to change that other person but rather we  work together, we both will be able to progress and grow. 

Special Challenges and Opportunities

Special Challenges and Opportunities 

This week’s post I will refer it more for LDS members. It is a privilege and with great awe that I can see the equality that existed within the Church in between man and woman. Just as President Hinckley said once, man is not to be but with his woman side to side, not in the front or in the back, but as equal companions. I did phrase that line but the concept is pure. We are equals and we both share roles that when combined fulfill the purpose of the Great Plan of Salvation.

When I was a missionary on temple Square, at Salt Lake City, UT, I was asked in a daily basis by different investigators or visitor how can  I be so devoted to a faith that put woman with no authority. I particularly remember a time when I was assigned to give the first lesson while showing them around temple square to a very prominent person from Spain. Intellectually speaking he was as prepare as someone can be, he hold a very prestige position in the government and was a very well know lawyer from that area. In the other hand here was me, a very friendly, outgoing, smart and spiritual 22 year old girl, with just 3 years of college completed and blessed with a power he was clearly missing, the mantel given to me by the highest authority to serve as a representative of the Church for 18 months as a full time missionary. I recall walking by the temple, and he asked loud and cleared that question, how you Sister can be so devoted to be serving and volunteering 18 months of your life to a Church that believes that the priesthood should be given just to man?. I smiled and from the bottom of my heart bared my testimony about priesthood, motherhood and roles within the marriage in order to reach our highest potential and find joy not only in this life but in the Life to come. I bore my testimony loud and clear about the perfect plan of salvation and the role we each play in it. There were 9 other people with him and all were in silent after it and he just smiled and said to me: Wow, now I can tell that is conviction and not just doctrine. To this day I hold that experience very close to my heart. I’m more than ever convinced that we woman play and important and vital role in building up the kingdom of Heaven here in Earth and are a strategic and vital part on bringing those precious spirits to this life to help them go back to His presence, to Our Heavenly Home!.

Is important that we recognize those truths and act upon them in a daily basis. We won’t have a perfect life and a perfect day every day, but depending on the approach we give to each of our experiences in this time on earth we will be able to come to know more the Savior through the keeping of his commandments and the obedience we show to and towards Him.

Everything has a order within the Church and that is something we are to recognize, His Gospel is perfectly organize so we can know what direction to choose. Our organizations teach us the importance to work in a team and be one in purpose. We are privilege to be part of this wonderful cause and should always look for the opportunities  where we can be reminded of our great worth and the valuable and unique  role we play with in it. 

Marriage life and motherhood is not an exception but vital part of sacred role. 

Parenting and my role

This week’s post I will refer it more for LDS members. It is a privilege and with great awe that I can see the equality that existed within the Church in between man and woman. Just as President Hinckley said once, man is not to be but with his woman side to side, not in the front or in the back, but as equal companions. I did phrase that line but the concept is pure. We are equals and we both share roles that when combined fulfill the purpose of the Great Plan of Salvation.

When I was a missionary on temple Square, at Salt Lake City, UT, I was asked in a daily basis by different investigators or visitor how can  I be so devoted to a faith that put woman with no authority. I particularly remember a time when I was assigned to give the first lesson while showing them around temple square to a very prominent person from Spain. Intellectually speaking he was as prepare as someone can be, he hold a very prestige position in the government and was a very well know lawyer from that area. In the other hand here was me, a very friendly, outgoing, smart and spiritual 22 year old girl, with just 3 years of college completed and blessed with a power he was clearly missing, the mantel given to me by the highest authority to serve as a representative of the Church for 18 months as a full time missionary. I recall walking by the temple, and he asked loud and cleared that question, how you Sister can be so devoted to be serving and volunteering 18 months of your life to a Church that believes that the priesthood should be given just to man?. I smiled and from the bottom of my heart bared my testimony about priesthood, motherhood and roles within the marriage in order to reach our highest potential and find joy not only in this life but in the Life to come. I bore my testimony loud and clear about the perfect plan of salvation and the role we each play in it. There were 9 other people with him and all were in silent after it and he just smiled and said to me: Wow, now I can tell that is conviction and not just doctrine. To this day I hold that experience very close to my heart. I’m more than ever convinced that we woman play and important and vital role in building up the kingdom of Heaven here in Earth and are a strategic and vital part on bringing those precious spirits to this life to help them go back to His presence, to Our Heavenly Home!.

Is important that we recognize those truths and act upon them in a daily basis. We won’t have a perfect life and a perfect day every day, but depending on the approach we give to each of our experiences in this time on earth we will be able to come to know more the Savior through the keeping of his commandments and the obedience we show to and towards Him.

Everything has a order within the Church and that is something we are to recognize, His Gospel is perfectly organize so we can know what direction to choose. Our organizations teach us the importance to work in a team and be one in purpose. We are privilege to be part of this wonderful cause and should always look for the opportunities  where we can be reminded of our great worth and the valuable and unique  role we play with in it. 

Marriage life and motherhood is not an exception but vital part of sacred role. 

Leaving behind the natural me, Marriage preparation

Who would it think that marriage will required so little and give back so much. When I say so little I refer to, we are ask by the man of our dreams (hopefully) If we will marry them and we say YES!!!. That short line with a simple 3 letter response is our life changing experience, the one that will prepare us and teach us how to become more like a child?. What ? marriage will teach me to be like a child?. I thought we were supposed to be mature people in order to succeed in such unity. Being like a child doesn't mean acting childish ( even if at times is fun and distressful method) but instead think back for those of us who have kids. We can see them playing with other kids, having interaction whether be at the park, library, preschool, you named it and all of a sudden a fight starts, it takes less than 2 minutes for that same groups of kids to be all friends again and keep moving and rolling. Oh wow, how marvelous that formula will be in marriage If we can only apply it. 

being married for almost 4 years and looking forward for a forever with my man, I have seen the need to not only be willing to love unconditional, forgive and forget, be patient, team work, charitable and many other characteristics that I’m trying to work on in a daily basis. . Dr. Jonh Gottman talks in his book, 7 principles to make marriage work about the importance of knowing our love one. Knowing the basics will strength our road, but not only that, also the fact that we will be willing to help that other one to grow will bring the admiration desired from each one involved . He talked about thing we can do to strengthen our robes for those days that our ships are going everywhere because of  the storm that might be  hitting our port. Having those love maps will help us find our way out in a successful way, helping us to fix it instead of throwing it away. Hard and stressful things will happen because life happens but we are the one that can control and manage the stress. It hasn't been told to us that will prevent it If we follow this principles Gottman talks about, but it has been proven that we will be able to manage those stormy days. After almost 4 years of living, sharing, planning and working together to make it happen with my husband I can se where do this principles meet, how they will help and how vital they are to the success of our marriage. We have to forget about what I want, how I want it and how fast I want, because  It has become we. When we focus our efforts and desires in then well-being not only of mine own desires but my loved one, then the sharing a life together becomes more pleasant and enjoyable. Selfish is not to think I want to accomplish goals and succeed in those desires. Selfish is to think I can do it alone or ignoring the other person target point also. We are required to give in not to lose battle but to conquer it. Marriage is a battle and we are the strongest soldiers defending the same army together. 

Equal Partnership

Have you ever caught yourself listening to someone talk but actually being selective in your hearing? YES !!!!! that is totally me!. Sad to admitted but I have found myself many times doing this over and over again. I’m a very very independent woman that, dialogue has been hard for me too, to  plan and agree with someone else other than myself, not even on my records. Immature or selfish ? name it as you will, but has been my honest truth.  Awful I know but true, and once you have admitted it is easier to be treated right? YES !!!. Just like any other addiction recovery needs time, effort and commitment.  I have been privileged for being sharing my life and hopefully eternity with a sweet, loving and heart giving companion. We both have different speed limits built in but, we both love each other to the point of being willing to commit for more than eternity and have come to understand little by little that we both came to battle with a good shield built in, that One Third person that guides our marriage.  Wait, what? Third person? Who can even imagine that bringing a third person will helps us to be more loving and caring towards one another. Calm down audience, I invite you to keep reading to meet that one. Person I’m talking about, to understand the benefits of This One person needed in any relationship and so desperately vital  in marriage. That will be The Lord. So how I will make my audience and readers understand me If all might not be that much spiritual or spiritual at all. Hear me out and name your One Third Person the name that fits your believes better. I will take the courage to write what I have and continue to learn about turning to one another and including that Third person in our relationship. From my perspective, a vital step to success.

I have been known since a young age for being a go getter and thinking that, If admiited verbally my needs that will automatically dock points off my independent personality. Marriage has taught me the opposite. Even though my husband tends to forget very easy the things that I say, agreed or want to accomplish, those ones that will make and impact on our relationship are the ones that his brain is very capable of record and never forget (including the cookie dough promised years ago, wink wink) . That show me he cares and is aware of my needs and takes them personal. But why is so important to verbally express those needs. What is the importance of those bids in marriage .  A bid in couples are essential to create, build or re-stablish connection. Quality connection is a must. Sometimes we are there but not present and that is one of the biggest failures in marriages, communication and connection. With all the new technology and everything that surrounds us daily, we are more prompt to forget and simply don’t care at all. I have been caught in this rhythm many times so I have missed the beat on the quality of conversations and connection I can build with my man. At the end of the day, the only one loosing is me. Gottman’s major point is that repeated failure to turn toward in response to our significant other bids leads our  to stop making bids. The relationship sags and both partner feels lonely.(Chapter 5). Is evidently that If we forget to boost that energy in marriage and built the right connections with a sincere desire to care we will NOT  be able to build a strong  foundation that will allow us to choose the best  when making decisions or looking for then best for our family, our spouship ( I made that one up, means spouse and friendship connection) to look for what will benefit both interests. That is where the Third person comes in play. He will guide us and helps us come to the point were the needs of each member are met and we can feel that stronger connection between the two.

For a few weeks now I have been trying the line that goes  “so what I’m hearing from you is …and parrot what my husband has just expressed to me. That have helped me be more attentive and have more of a loving mind and hearing heart. A heart that is not only trying so hard to leave the natural me but a heart that can listen to the beat of our love song, our mutual connection, our stronger bids.